i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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