Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
