dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I touched a dick in church today
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
