At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
