margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
