he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
