One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
