I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
