Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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