i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
