ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
