Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
