I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
