my being single is dangerous.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
