the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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