god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
