yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize