he thought i was a dude.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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