Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
