My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
