She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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