Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
