Where is the hickey?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
