I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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