it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
