Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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