Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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