Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize