you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
