I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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