shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize