I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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