Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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