i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
