Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I need to calm my uterus...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
