You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
