i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
