I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
