You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
