I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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