well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
