im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
