my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
