Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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