I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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