omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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