u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
sarcasm needs its own font
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
