WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
