Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
