the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
