he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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