I hope my margaritas pass through security.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
