We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
