Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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