Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
