Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
