Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
