I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
