look no pants
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
