in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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