I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
