it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
