you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
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