last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
