I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
