i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
