U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
