Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
