We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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