I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
