You can't special order awesome
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize