she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
