I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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