i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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