He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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