can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
