You work out of a Hotel?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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