she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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