You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
