I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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