Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
