Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
