just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize