Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize