She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
