So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
