I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
