it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
