walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
