How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
