Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
