Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
