Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
