HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
