I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
