so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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