just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
