I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
