Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize