He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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