He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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