Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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